Here we go. The first steps in a journey I should have started many years ago, and I am hoping that it’s not too late. The optimistic of us would say it is never too late, but really that depends on what you want to achieve. Anything sporty is out of the question for example, some things have a certain age range, but thankfully my love has always been writing so as long as I can type away my hope can linger on.
Before we get into this I want to tell you a little about myself and why I consider myself a loser and what I need to achieve to become legendary in my own eyes.
My name is Chris. I am a 43-year-old man who truthfully has never put any real effort into anything. Always just mediocre. Oh I have had my moments and have a few minor qualifications as a result of that: 5 GCSE’S (All an average C), an NVQ in Amenity Horticulture, a diploma in Media Studies and an NVQ Level 4 in Journalism. My work history is so varied, with jobs usually lasting a few years at most, that at one point a perspective employer basically told me I was unemployable. Too flighty to risk employing. Unfortunately I think that, in relation to me then, he was right.
In fact the only thing I have really put any time, effort and sacrifice into was the raising of my son. The benefits of which I am thankful for every day.
The past few years haven’t been easy either. I nearly died and had to spend some time recovering from viral encephalitis, an illness that has left me with a permanent missing feeling. Like something that used to be in my head isn’t there anymore. That along with the fact that I am prone to depression and insufferable laziness led me down a dark path.
This all came to a head last March (2018) when my wife left me and our 9-year-old son. Two weeks before our 10th anniversary. That broke us, my son and I, and those first few months were hellish. But something happened, something quite unexplainable, but which is best summed up by a quote I read, a quote that didn’t really mean anything until then:
“There are some men whom a staggering emotional shock, so far from making them mental invalids for life, seems, on the other hand, to awaken, to galvanize, to arose into an almost incredible activity of soul”.
All the hurt and sad feelings I carried, not just mine but my son’s as well, no longer hindered me from doing what I need to do. I started exercising regularly, almost every day, working harder and putting concerted effort into everything I did. I started reading (well listening actually, thanks Audible!) to self improvement books, books about habits and human nature, and my change continued. I cut my hair after having it long since I was 14 (I had it long to cover my one big ear which was always a source of ridicule and embarrassment).
But even that isn’t enough, yet. The reality is that right now I am on a written warning from work regarding my attendance. I have a meeting on January 9 with an Educational Welfare Officer to discuss my son’s lack of attendance at school. (She has to power to force my son not to live with me but to live with his mother. Something he doesn’t want). And, I am also struggling financially with my meagre savings exhausted due to my lack of work. One more bad week would be enough to put me under.
The present isn’t pretty, neither was Christmas despite my best efforts but going from a large family gathering at my soon to be ex-wife’s parents to just the two of us was a big gap to fill. But all is not lost. I still have hope, for both of us. I just have to turn that hope into something tangible that will improve our lives. I need to become my own legend, be a great example to my son and gain enough financial independence that I can give him a better start in life. Here it begins…