As usual when I am going about my day I am constantly thinking about what subject matter or situation I will write about on my blog. Today was a strange one, one I couldn’t quite put my finger on until I listened to Robert Greene’s The Laws of Human Nature as I was doing the daily necessities around the house, making dinner, washing up after, cleaning the floors, washing the clothes. The usual things required to keep the household in good shape.
Funny thing is it wasn’t the actual content of the chapters I was listening to, which were primarily about envy, envious people and what to look out for, how not to let envy effect you too much etc. It was just a throw away sentence about envy being a part of our lives due to the prevalence of, amongst other things, social media. And how it can raise within us as we see only the highlight of other peoples lives that they want us to see. The picture of a smiling happy family, a snapshot of someones success. Basically the best of themselves.
I saw some of that in myself and my writing. Yes, we always want to put our best foot forward, so to speak. Paint ourselves in the most positive of lights. But if I want this to be a real account of my journey to being a better me I have to expose my soft underbelly, the parts I want to hide, not just from others but myself too sometimes.
So with that in mind. Here is today’s reality.
Today was a meh type of day. Meh is a fairly modern word, apparently first used in 1992 in a Usenet post in reference to a television soap called Melrose Place. The Urban dictionary defines it as: Indifference. Something to be used when one simply does not care; know how they are feeling. It can be a judgement of mediocrity; a verbal shoulder shrug. And it best sums up how I felt.
Yes, I did all the usual things I try to do on a daily basis to keep me moving forward. But honestly, it mostly felt a bit lacklustre and empty. Work passed by without any real enthusiasm. And when I picked my son up from school I found myself having to feign the excitement of it being Friday. An important day for him obviously as it means no school for a few days. We then went and got our weekly shopping, came home, had dinner, did the house stuff. His friends called so I went and got my exercise done, had a quick shower, and then sat down to this. And while the very process of writing this down has helped to elevate me slightly it still feels a bit less than usual, slightly lethargic.
All in all it has been quite an uneventful day. As I said, a bit meh. Surprisingly, this type of day is almost as big a struggle as the low days. (Please see a previous post entitled ‘A Low Day’). The difference being in that on the low days I find myself having something to fight against and that almost gives me strength in itself. The meh days are something else entirely. Almost harder to rally against and certainly a new challenge to face. There is no greater battle than yourself it seems and today was a bit of a scoreless draw. The only positive being that at least there was no regression.