Anyone out there trying to deal with difficulties, whether self-inflicted or not, can attest to just how difficult it can sometimes be. Especially when your emotions are driving you more than your mind. In those times it helps to have a few reminders.
Reminders can put you back on the right path, make you realise why you have chosen that path in the first place, and why you wanted off the one you used to tread. They can come from anywhere. Yourself, family, friends, or even strangers on the internet! It doesn’t matter because once they get to you, trigger that impulse in your mind. They will have done the job you needed them to do.
I was fortunate today to have had such a reminder. It helped me to remember why I started my quest for self-improvement in the first place, why I have to persevere no matter what, and the attitude I must employ to keep that reality, well, real.
For anybody who read the mess I, and my son, were in (See: Torn Asunder) yesterday you will see it was a most difficult day. I was losing sight, blinded by emotions, not thinking straight, and just wishing for a change and the day to end. That change came this morning thanks to a friendly insight. And from someone I don’t even know. It provided the reminder I needed.
The lovely Gina (Blog: Singledust alifelesslivedblog.wordpress.com) had told me in a comment that her family had went through something similar and that her kids later confided in her that they felt they could cope better if she was happy and in control of things. This sparked a memory.
The initial months after my ‘wife’ had left my household was very sombre. My boy and I were desperately sad and we were missing his mother so much. It was a dull, depressing atmosphere.
I realised one day that whilst my boy was suffering, I was making it worse. We were feeding off each other, dragging each other down. I’m his father, the one he looks to for comfort, security, happiness, love. And I wasn’t providing enough of it. I determined to myself that this had to change. I had to change. I had to be strong, be positive, lift him up. And I have, for the most part.
Reading Gina’s comment this morning as I was having my breakfast gave me the reminder I needed. It wasn’t long after that my son and I were both running around the house, carrying on, play fighting. The smile was back on his face. His sadness forgotten, at least for that moment.
Even writing this now is bringing a tear to my eye. Gina, if you are reading this, you will never know how eternally grateful I am that you shared that with me. I wish I could look you in the eye and thank you in person. You helped me get back on track, get where I needed to be for my son. There is no greater gift I could receive. Thank you!
That first reminder lifted the fog and as my day passed my own reminders came flooding through. The clarity of why I am doing all this, why I am trying to be better. The steps I must continue to make for the benefit of my son, and his relationship with his mother.
I reminded myself of how far I’ve come. How that even though I struggled yesterday I didn’t even think of smoking dope. I reminded myself that I still did the things a parent must do.
Sometimes all we need is a little kick-start. A little reminder of why we do what we do. I hope that anyone out there who is having their own struggles is fortunate to get their reminders too.