Firsts (Seek Them And Grow)

We all remember our firsts. The good and the bad. They are what have helped define the people we are.

Be it our first love, first hurt, first success, first failure. It’s almost an endless list. In fact, it should be just that. Endless. Because with a ‘first’ comes learning, growth, experience.

Growing up it’s obvious that we have many ‘firsts’ as we try to find our way in this world. Find out who we are? Where our place is? How we like to live? Along the way they get less and less. For some people as they get older their ‘firsts’ become practically non-existent. Except for the ones that are forced upon them.

But maybe there is something in ‘firsts’, something unseen but magical, something that means we really shouldn’t let them fall away, or avoid them altogether. When you encounter a ‘first’ it is usually accompanied by a myriad of thoughts and emotions. There might be feelings of nervousness, excitement, even fear or dread. That ‘first’ might not be what you wished or would hope for. It might be something you definitely don’t want. But it is something that can teach you. Make you that little bit wiser. Give you depth. Help you grow.

Sometimes after that ‘first’ you might be thinking that you never want to experience that again or you might be thinking that it was the best thing ever and want to repeat it. Whatever the outcome that ‘first’ will be etched in your memory. It will place a marker in your mind that will affect your future decisions. It teaches you a lesson no one else can really teach you. A lesson you will learn the most from because it is coming from yourself.

For some reason as people get older they shy away from the ‘firsts’ in life. They have maybe had enough to the point where they feel they really don’t want or need any more. But in that decision they are effectively thinking to themselves there is nothing more for them to learn, nothing more this world can teach.

I believe these are the people who are truly unhappy. The people who have really given up on life and what it has to offer. The people who are, (I was going to say content but that’s not true either), maybe just wasting their time until the great end comes. They go through their day, not really engaged, maybe even in a state of subdued misery. Are probably doing a job they hate. Spend their time watching television, or drinking, or smoking marijuana. Just passing time. Doing anything they can to distract themselves from the life their own choices have created for them. That’s a sad place to be in.

Look, I’m not writing this to put people down. I’m writing this as someone who was there. I was that person. I had given up on my life being anything other than what it was. I felt destined to working in a minimum wage job I was unhappy in. I had no real aspirations. No real hope. No love for life. I was in that cycle of basically repeating the same thing week after week, with very little exception, and wondering why I felt so sad and depressed all the time. I had stopped seeking out new challenges, new opportunities to grow, new ‘firsts’.

The thing is I got lucky. But not in the way most people would define getting lucky. My wife left me and my world fell apart. A ‘first’ I never want to repeat. This forced me from my dazed slumber as I sleep-walked through life. It forced me to look at myself in a way I hadn’t before. It forced me to get real, real fast.

I’ve written in earlier posts the steps I took to improve my life. The steps I continue to take. But those things that helped me? They were all ‘firsts’ at that time. Starting to exercise. Being more conscious of my thinking. ‘Firsts’ that have become my necessary companions on this journey to being better. ‘Firsts’ that have helped me grow.

I haven’t stopped yet. Nor will I ever again. In fact now I know the importance of such ‘firsts’ I will continue to seek them out. I’m looking for the discomfort, the unknown, and the challenges they bring, because I want what they have to offer me. I want the treasures they contain. They help me learn, to grow, to be better. They help me feel alive.

So I say to you, if you feel your life has become stuck, you’re in a rut or repetitive cycle, it all feels a bit humdrum. A bit dull. Seek out your ‘firsts’. For in those ‘firsts’ you might just find that thing, that wondrous special thing, that will give you life again. Make you feel renewed, alive, and leave you with a yearning for more. Seek them and grow. Seek them and live.


22 thoughts on “Firsts (Seek Them And Grow)

  1. I love the message in this, CJ, and it’s a very inspiring and motivating one. I feel the same way about dreams or goals. I believe we should never settle when we accomplish one. But continue to create new dreams and goals, so that we don’t end up feeling blah about life. So your “firsts” reminds me of that. Always strive to challenge ourselves and learn something new. Thank you for writing such a beautiful message, my friend.

    1. Glad you enjoyed it Manessah! I agree with you in regards to dreams and goals. One should not just rest on their laurels after attainment. If anything it should encourage us to pursue even larger aims. Keep learning more and keep life feeling fresh.
      Much love to you and I wish you every success with yours 🙂

  2. This is an absolutely motivating post. I am happy that you are happy now. I agree with you. Life can be dull but it depends on you to make it exciting and enjoyable. Thank you for this wonderful post

    1. Thanks again for such a lovely comment Ramyani! It’s up to us to make the best of our lives. Not always easy. But as long as we keep striving, keep learning, the possibilities are endless.
      Much love to you 🙂

  3. Very positive message! I believe everything we do always starts with a “first” and as you said there are some firsts that we don’t want to repeat…As much as we have “firsts” means we are trying and we are open to more opportunities and chances! Well written and wish you the best of luck and many good and repeated “firsts” 🙂

    1. Thank you very much Huguetta! Best way to keep growing and developing as a person.
      Likewise to your good self! Because of you I learned my first Lebanese Arabic! Chokran 🙂

      1. Hello Chris, hope you’re good 🙂 glad you’re eager to learn an Arabic word! Actually 2: tekram (you’re welcome) tekramee (feminine)
        Thank you for your wishes! by the way my name is Huguette, the a is the first letter from my family name 🙂

      2. Thanks for clarifying that…although now that you mention it I feel a bit silly for not noticing ☺
        Ah, always eager to learn more Huguette. While we’re on the subject and to further my embarrassment I haven’t a clue how your name is pronounced ☺☺ lol.
        All good here. Hope the same can be said for your good self 🙂

      3. I’m doing well thank you 🙂 and you don’t need to feel silly at all! I didn’t mention before because I was afraid it might be a bit embarrassing but believe me it shouldn’t! Same for my name pronunciation, not so many know how to pronounce it, especially if you’re not French educated 🙂 Some of my own family don’t know how to pronounce it haha hope is will ease your embarrassment
        It’s same as Uget (the H is silent and he U should be pronounced the French way, this is where people find difficulty) 🙂 Hope the information was useful

      4. I laughed when you said about your family 😀 As for the embarrassment… If I let that bother me I’d get nothing done lol
        And another thing has been learned today. That’s great.
        Glad to hear you are doing well! I have your post from earlier saved. Haven’t had the chance to read it yet but looking forward to it.
        Keep well my friend. Much love to you 🙂

      5. It is funny 😁 true story though! Sure thing, we shouldn’t let such things stop us
        Always happy to interact and exchange knowledge and points of views!
        A dad’s day is certainly hectic so whenever you have time I’m sure you will read 😊
        Have a good night 🌙 Much love to you as well

  4. Great advise! I’m currently seeking some old firsts to revive them and also seeking new firsts – new places to travel and document and blog 😁. It does keep life interesting and gets me out of my head and focused on what really matters. Great post !

    1. Glad you appreciate the message 🙂
      I hope you have many great travels and stories to blog about. We have to keep life interesting and fresh. It feel we get more out of it that way

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