Separation And Children (A Message For Parents)

When a couple with a child or children separates it is a terrible thing. There are no winners in such a situation. There are only losers. The people who lose the most are the children.

Normally the decision to split is made by one person. They have reached a point where they feel they can no longer go on as a part of that couple. It is not an easy decision. Much thought is put into it. It is a decision that isn’t, and shouldn’t, be taken lightly.

Just to be clear. I am not discussing people who made the decision to get away from an abusive, unhealthy, relationship. The person that was the abuser was the one that put them in such a difficult position and as a parent our natural impulse is to do what we must to protect ourselves and our children. I’m truly sorry for the people with children who had to get away from such a situation.

I’m writing about ‘ordinary’ couples. Couples who, for some reason or other, have fallen out of love, have drifted apart, lost that connection they once had.

For the couples that fall into that category, those that had children. I have one simple message. One that will help you in the long run. Help you do what is best for your children. That message is this: Get Over Yourself!

There’s no sugar-coating this. If you are a parent who genuinely loves your child or children then always remember to put their needs first. Look, it’s bad enough that the only world they probably have ever known has fallen apart. You do not need to add further hurt to their lives.

At the end of the day, regardless of how you feel about your ex-partner, the father or mother of your children, remember that your child or children still love them. They might be confused and upset. They most certainly don’t understand the complexities of an adult relationship especially if they are young. They just know they love them.

I know it is not easy. Especially for the partner left behind. There is a lot of hurt, anger, resentment. You’ll probably want to punish them in some way. Make them suffer as much as you are. Do you know who is suffering more? That’s right. Your children!

When we are on that subject. You better make sure you tell them it is not their fault. Keep telling them if you have to. They need to know they are not to blame. They need to know their parents still love them, and will always love them.

Stop thinking about your own selfish needs. Never fight in front of your children. Never use your children against each other. They are going to feel bad enough without you making them feel they need to be more loyal to one parent over the other. Don’t add to their already overburdening worries.

Both you and your ex are going to have issues. There are going to be complications. You might end up completely resenting each other. Just don’t make it obvious to your children. If you have to fight. Do it out of earshot and eyesight. And that’s only if you have to.

What you really should be doing is behaving like the adult you are. Be respectful and rational no matter how much your emotional impulses might be driving you not to. Keep remembering what is really important. Because regardless of how you feel about each other. Regardless of how much you have drifted apart. It is the one thing you should still have in common. Doing what’s best for your children.




35 thoughts on “Separation And Children (A Message For Parents)

  1. Well said. I am sure it is tough enough growing up in this Social Media society, without consistency at home. The children need to know that their parents are there for them, as individuals and/or as a team. Allan

    1. Thanks Allan. Was a bit unsure of posting it. Worried about being a bit harsh. But if it helps one child I’d be happy.
      In regards to social media. I can’t imagine how much pressure that puts on youngsters. It can be so unforgiving and once something is out there it isn’t going away. Scary stuff.
      Appreciate you stopping by. Thank you kindly good Sir.

  2. Amen to that!
    I really don’t know what’s not to publish about this and what’s harsh or harsher about this? I can tell you: none!
    These words are pure wisdom, pure true and they aren’t harsh enough to me to any parent that might hurt their children consciously or unconsciously!
    Well done Chris! Glad you hit that button πŸ˜ŠπŸ‘

    1. Thanks Huguette (Am getting a bit lost with my comments here πŸ˜‚)
      Glad you could appreciate the truth. I know some people in that position might not like hearing it. But it’s in their kids best interests. Hopefully it will hit home to those that need to hear it.
      Off to bed now. So night night. Much love as always, and thanks for your opinion earlier. πŸ€—

      1. Last one don’t worry πŸ˜‚
        If they don’t want to hear, their problem, one day they will and it will be harder!
        Hopefully your writings will reach many people, start looking into that
        I’m already half sleeping
        Good night and nothing to thank me for πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ‘

      2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Sorry am only getting back now…fell asleep.
        I guess now I’ll be wishing you a good morning in return πŸ™‚
        Hope you have a great day Huguette πŸ€—

      3. Good morning to you as well 😊 Oh don’t worry, I must start to sleep earlier, because you always pay the next day hahhaa

        Wish you a great day ahead as well 😊

      4. You certainly do. Thought it was a late night for yourself.
        I guess lots of coffee is the order of the day β˜•β˜•πŸ™‚

  3. Good afternoon, i was thinking about it before, but if you love yourself you love the mother of child you love your child and she does same, work hard to save your family, is the biggest value in life. But there is the moments when is just doesn’t works anymore and what you can do the best is to let go and focus on your child happiness, doesn’t matter with who the child stays, but he must feel love from both parents, he deserves the happy childhood and attention. The worse they daddy says mama is bad and opposite, kids are growing and they don’t need to here negative things from his parents about each other, i’m really loving your article, you are very right on this. The fights doesn’t gets you far, being kind to each other, not only because of children, but because we are human beings, go true your ego, the winner is not who wins the fight, the winner is who let it go, without even participating, THANK YOU for such a great article, it maybe the useful, we have many separations in todays world and the ones who getting the most pain from the situation are children❀️maybe we don’t even noticing about it, but we should..I should stop talking other wise i will write an essayπŸ˜ƒ

    1. 😁 you did say you were a big talker…and I love a good chat/essay so feel free anytime 😊
      First off, sorry I am only getting back to you now. Had a very busy day and evening. Was at an event my boy was taking part in. Both my ex-wife and I. Thankfully she feels the same in regards to doing what is best for our son.
      I agree with trying to save your family. I only wish I could have been better at saving mine. As far as I am concerned there is nothing more important.
      But when things don’t work out it is still the parents duty to make sure their children are as happy as possible and to put aside their differences to make that happen.
      I agree as well that parents should not speak bad of each other to their children. That is a terrible thing to do.
      As hard as a separation is for the parents it is much worse for the children. Unfortunately that seems to be more common these days. I wish it wasn’t.
      I am glad you liked the post and I really hope that the people who need it most get to read it. Or at least have the sense to not make things worse for their children.
      I appreciate your comment and insight Ilona.
      Hope you had a great day. Good night to you πŸ€—

      1. Its okay to take your time, we all have our own life out of word press, i’m very happy, that you are doing the best for your son, its good, that both of you putting big effort. Kids deserved to have they child hood and to grow at the right environment, i don’t know how you manage to do everything, probably you work hard and i think you are running out of time like many of us, 24-7 it seems another, we are push by technology to run and rush, because the industry of technology developing faster, than us, but all we can do just to follow, i hope you had a good day and you will write a new post🎈😊

      2. You are right about feeling like we are running out of time. Never feels like there is enough and technology is certainly pushing us on. I haven’t even got a chance to put in my regular WordPress time due to events and visitors. All enjoyable. But I do love my time on here πŸ™‚ (I have so many posts saved to read I feel it’s going to take a bit of time to catch up πŸ™‚ ). Hope you continue to be as productive as ever and the sun shines on you whatever you are doing πŸ™‚ Away back to writing my post now πŸ™‚

      3. Yes, i understand, that lack of time are playing big part in our lives, your posts are great and very interesting as well, they feels real, and this what i like the most in your blog, i have those days as well, when i don’t want to do anything, but i’m forcing myself, because other wise nothing will happen, yes, write your post, i will read itπŸ€—

      4. Thank you for saying that Ilona 😊 Sometimes we do have to force ourselves to get moving. To make things happen. It’s worth it in the end 😊

      5. Is depend, what are you doing, sometimes is better to cut your losses and to focus on something else. But you are doing good and is worth to go until the end is worth itπŸ€—

      1. That’s fine. Not a problem. It was a long comment that deserved a long reply 😊
        Just took me a while to find the time.
        I was more worried in case you thought I didn’t reply. πŸ€—

  4. Well said. I used to work with children and the angry parents would only think about themselves while using the children as pawn to hurt the other. It is sad that separating parents do not realize the damage they cause to those innocents who don’t fully understand what is happening.

    1. Thank you. It is sad the way separating parents use their children as pawns. Especially as the situation is damaging enough to them. What a parent feels for their child should override their own selfish feelings.
      Thanks for taking the time to comment. I hope you are keeping well πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you very much. That is very kind of you to say.
      I truly appreciate it 😊
      I hope you are keeping well and best wishes to you πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.