How Can You Let Go Of The Past When It’s Your Present?

No good thing can come from dwelling in your past. It makes you feel things you don’t want to feel. Makes you yearn for something you once had or makes you angry at what you once endured.

Thing is, no matter how much you try to move forward, sometimes that sucker hits you right in the face. Sometimes those past thoughts come flooding in wrecking havoc with your present. The anger or hurt feels all too real. The sadness may once again consume.

There’s lots of advice out there. There are lots of people willing to tell you how to deal with it. The steps you need to take to overcome those feelings. The thoughts you need to have.

Psychology Today ( https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201411/let-it-go ) advises to:

  1. Anchor Yourself In The Future
  2. Discard (The memorabilia of that past)
  3. Repair (Make amends to those you have wronged or who have wronged you)
  4. Transform Your Narrative (Look at the past events from a more understanding or mature perspective)
  5. Forgive
  6. Learn To Be Present

Look, I get it, all that advice is great. It’s sound advice that works. Use it.

Here’s my problem though. Whenever I’m in the middle of feeling that past hurt. That hurt that is now in my present. I couldn’t care less about what the right thing to do is. I don’t care about what I am meant to do. How I am meant to think. I don’t care that no good will come of feeling like that and dwelling on those feelings.

At that point I’m in a destructive frame of mind. I know it’s not good for me. I know not to take it out on anyone around me. I still have to deal with it though. Right then and there. It’s in my head. It’s not going away anytime soon.

Can You Let Go Of The Past When It's Your Present
Photo by Pexels. It’s hard to take advice when you’re in the middle of an emotional time.

Sure, once those feelings have subsided a bit I’ll be in a better frame of mind to process all that lovely advice that will help me in the long run.

But in that moment. When it’s all so overcoming, so overpowering. I just want to be alone. Words and advice at that time isn’t going to help. I don’t think they ever do in the heat of the moment. Especially if you’re feeling the hurt and pain as raw as ever.

We can move on all we want. We can try to forgive. We may have created many new happy memories since that past event. We might think we’ve let it go. We might believe all our issues around it have been resolved.

But then it’s triggered. The darkness consumes our light. All that previous good work goes out the window and we’re right back in the middle of the despair. Those memories once again filling our minds.

Can You Let Go Of The Past When It's Your Present?
Photo by Pexels. Your past torments your present.

If you’re like me you’re not like Buddha, you’re not a mindfulness guru, not a Tibetan monk. You’re not someone who can easily shift or subdue those dark, heavy feelings. You can’t be ‘present’ like all the advice likes to talk about. You can’t think of all the things you have to be happy for. Can’t think of how your life may be better now than it was. You can’t be non-judgemental in regards to the thoughts and feelings you are having. All that is in your mind is that past. All that you are feeling are the emotions it brings to the fore.

I think when that is the case all you can do is ride it out. Let those thoughts take their course. Allow yourself to dwell at least for a little while. Accept that pain, anger, frustration and hurt you are feeling. Right at that moment that is your reality. That is your present. Don’t try to deny it.

A bridge can still be built, while the bitter waters are flowing beneath.
Anthony Liccione

The feelings will pass. The intensity will subside. Your ‘normality’ will resume. You will get back on track. But as with most things of this nature it takes time. Time and a little bit of effort.

Have heart, have faith. Let the time pass. Hang on for all your worth. Tomorrow will always be a new day. At the very least it’s another day away from that past. You never know what that new day will bring.

Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!
Steve Maraboli

 

 

 

P.s. If you are having trouble with letting go of past events seek professional help. This, like all my other blog posts, is based on my experiences. What I believe to be true.

Much love to you all,

Chris

8 thoughts on “How Can You Let Go Of The Past When It’s Your Present?

  1. It was great reading both your post and your recommended Let it go article! Too much useful and helpful information.

    Sometimes the past is sticking somewhere indeed and refuse to move! And these 6 points are extremely helpful if someone wants to really listen and apply…But I get you that in the middle of the problem, we don’t want to even listen to positivity, we hate positivity and advices…and darkness takes over! I know this feeling very well! And certainly I’m no Buddha or Tibetan monk hahah But at the end of the day, we have only one choice: to get up and move on and then we end up following these advices because there’s no magic…For sure we need to give ourselves the time to grieve, to be mad, sad, desperate but at the end of the day, we’ll get up and move on and as you said you normality will resume and you will get back to track! So in my opinion, we’re just procrastinating the ultimate solution which is resides in all the points you mentioned, but it’s not procrastination that we are willingly choosing that’s it! It’s just the worst case scenario we must deal with because it’s so hard to see the light and listen! I certainly agree that professional help is necessary if we can’t do it on our own. Great words of wisdom as usually and very helpful post!
    Have a great day and much love 🙂 <3

    1. No Buddha or monk?! Gees Huguette I thought you were only a step away from shaving your head and wearing a robe 😁
      I think you’re right about just procrastinating over the solution. There’s only two ways to go for such things. And only one of them is good for you. It is better we just tackle things head on. But some moments we just want to be angry about it. No point denying that anger. Better getting it out so we can move on from it.
      Glad you enjoyed the post.
      Day has been great. Hope your’s has been great too. Although I am slightly worried it hasn’t been after reading your latest post (funny as it was 😂).
      Hope you’re ok!
      Much love and compassion flying through the air to you right now 😊❤

      1. Yes shaving is in process 👩‍🦲 😂
        Yes got your point and it’s very true, I can relate as I mentioned
        Sure your posts are always authentic, simple and heavy at the same time 👍👍😊
        Lazy and calm day but was surfing my writings and thought why not publish something new😊 glad your day was great and hope A is getting better
        Thank you for the love and compassion received in the air hahaaa highly appreciated 😊 much love to you as well 😊❤️

      2. Bye bye brown hair 😂
        Oh good. Glad you had a nice chilled day. Don’t want to see you getting arrested for assault…unless it’s of the mind haha
        Still haven’t got caught up on your previous one. I will. Eager to talk about it actually.
        A getting much better thanks. I call him Thanos now because of his wrist support/gauntlet. He keeps saying I’m lucky he can’t click his fingers at the moment 😂😂
        Happy the love was appreciated 😊
        Much more for today 😊❤

      3. 😂😂 Well it’s just hair hahah
        I might get arrested but I don’t know then who will update my blog here to inform you all hahah
        don’t worry, I know that you want to read properly, that’s why
        Oh you have little Thanos now hahha the humanity is doomed! Glad he can’t click his fingers (yet) 😂
        Thank you so much for all the love and support, it’s always appreciated of course and much love and support to you 😊❤

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